During the 2018 NFL Draft it was widely speculated that the New England Patriots would be using one of their early draft picks to select the heir apparent to their soon to be 41 year old quarterback Tom Brady. The Patriots did take a quarterback in this year’s draft, however, they waited all the way until the 7th round to select LSU QB Danny Etling.
Now you would think that a 7th round selection who put up rather pedestrian numbers in college would poise no threat to the GOAT, however, sources close to Brady have revealed that Tom is absolutely terrified of Etling “stealing his job”.
The source (who preferred to remain anonymous) went on to say that “Tom sees a lot of himself in the young Etling. Tom noted the similarities between both quarterbacks boyish good looks at the time that they where drafted. Tom is convinced that if Etling cuts inflammatory foods, such as tomatoes and dairy, from his diet that Eltling’s baby face could develop a jawline even sharper and more masculine than Brady himself.”
“Tom has also developed a strong belief in numerology and has noticed some troubling facts in regards to when each player was selected in the draft. Etling was taken #219, while Brady was taken #199. 219 minus 199 is 20 which has led Tom to believe that Etling may surpass him on the depth chart by the year 2020.”
The source went on to tell me that to subdue his paranoia of losing his starting job, that Tom has purchased a hyperbolic chamber large enough to fit a king size bed inside. This is so that he can further slow down the process of aging while he sleeps, and so that he doesn’t miss out on any snuggle time with wife Gisele Bundchen. It was emphasized to me several times by this source that cuddling is another top priority for Tom. Though despite my prying, the source refused to confirm whether Tom prefers big spoon or little spoon.